I just thought it was about time to fill the world wide web with some random posts on this very webblog.
As it happens, my hostdad quite likes to send me lots of emails - they continue funny texts as well as really random pictures and quotes ;) So, I decided to share the fun I had reading them. In the following, I'll copy the content of the last two emails I recived...
_____
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing
traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our
CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can
be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving
of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still
celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
_____
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a
non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name..
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to
handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
____
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim
holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time
of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill
House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else
package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will
that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the
dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay
men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no
cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the
restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food.
The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the
restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
_____
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the
Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table
furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get
your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten
holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
_____
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her
recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the
asylum.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan
Maybe you'd think this was already quite random. Actually, I'd say it was.
But then i read the other email that was still in my inbox, waiting to be read.
Number One Idiot, so far in 2009
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control centre.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not
harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the
hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
Emergency room right away..
Number Two Idiot so far in 2009
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.
Number Three Idiot so far in 2009
A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland, walked into the Branch and
wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.'
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank and
crossed the street to the NAB Bank. After waiting a few minutes in
line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour,
told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was
written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either
have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland .
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
the Bank of Queensland. Happened in Noosa!
Number Four Idiot so far in 2009
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but
the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe
him. At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with
his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two
Hours later.
Number Five Idiot so far in 2009
A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The
first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him..
Number Six Idiot so far in 2009
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just
throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The
brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Flexi-Glass... The whole event was caught on
videotape. Perth WA.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceberg..
Happened in Surfers Paradise!!!
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, ''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge? To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Melbourne.
JUST AN IDIOT :
When my husband and I arrived at a car dealers to pick up our car, we
were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'
This was at the FORD dealership Dubbo.
Now, If you ask me, that literally hurt.
Hexe and I really had fun reading it, but we just tried to imagine how you possibly could be so dumb. then we thought about idiot number six, and we tried to find this very security-cam video on youtube. I can't swear it's the right one, but as you'll see, it might fit to the description ^^
then, we kept looking around on youtube's database, where we found some really interesting cases of bulgary that were filmed on shop cameras. this one was the best by far:
Somehow, we really felt sorry for him. Sort of. Even though we had a lot to laugh about, we really felt for this poor man and his obviously failed try
Hexe and I decided to contiune watching videos; and the more we watched, the more we felt for all these robbers (well, robbers that were obviously not clever enough ^^)
and we happend to find this vid. please pay special attention at 0:43 / 1:57 ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdNhgztX8O0&NR=1
well, I decided this one was worth showing it to you as well
(If you didn't realize, the guy in the back is a cop)
honestly, I just thought I should simply shut the computer down, so I'd stop watching stuff like that. It's REALLY sad how stupid people can be; even sadder that these guys try to mug people/shops/banks....
ok, that was pretty much it, for this time, at least. I'm sorry for the wobbly way my English happens to be, but I'm not used to write English anymore, at least not in this kind of way. So, please excuse my Grammar and spelling mistakes ;)
lots of love (as allways), feel hugged
elly


Naja, ich hab dann eben grad mal nach 'explodierenden Rollmöpsen' gegooglet und wollt euch das jetz hier echt klasse veranschaulichen lassen, aber da wurd mir leider ein strich durch die rechnung gemacht:




